One Paintbrush Ended Our Marriage

At my daughter Lily's first birthday, she reached for a paintbrush. The entire room went silent. Everyone looked at me carefully. My best friend, Nora, was afraid I might lose control and upset the baby, so she quickly picked Lily up and tried to calm me. "Jenna, today is Lily's first birthday. "Please don't get angry. "You were still bleeding months after the birth, and your body hasn't recovered. "And Ethan already blocked Summer Bell. "He hasn't gone back to that studio either. "He really does want to make this marriage work. "Stop hurting yourself over this, okay?" I closed my eyes. I remembered Lily's christening the year before, when Ethan stood in front of Summer and looked at me with open disgust. Even after six months of careful attention and constant attempts to make it up to me, I had never forgotten that day. I smiled faintly. When I opened my eyes again, my face had gone soft. I took Lily into my arms and gently touched her little cheek. "I'm not going to hurt myself anymore. "And I won't let any outsider damage what I have with my daughter. "From now on, she and I only have each other." When I looked up, I met Ethan's dark expression. Chapter 1 Ethan Cole was holding Lily's little coat. We had taken her back to my hometown when she was six months old. One of the older relatives told him about an old custom: if parents went door to door collecting scraps of fabric from many households and sewed them into the lining of a child's winter coat, a blessing coat, it would bring the child health and a long life. My hand was still injured then. I couldn't do delicate needlework. I lowered my eyes, disappointed. Then I shook my head at him. "It's okay. "Even without the coat, I'll protect Lily and make sure she grows up safe." That night, Ethan drove out through the snow. He bought an entire carload of gifts and visited house after house, exchanging them for small pieces of cloth. The CEO of Cole Group sat in a dim country room and stitched the lining by hand, one piece at a time. Back then, I still believed our marriage might be saved. Now Ethan silently helped Lily into the little coat. He really was different from before. When I first met him, Ethan was notorious for never staying with one woman for long. On one business trip alone, his assistant returned with three suitcases of skincare products meant for different girlfriends. But now he knew to test Lily's milk against the inside of his wrist. He curled her tiny fingers carefully when dressing her. Once, when she developed a low fever, neither I nor Gail, her nanny, noticed right away. Ethan did. He ended an online meeting immediately and drove her to the hospital himself. These were the things I once prayed for. Now that I had them, I didn't want them anymore. After Lily was dressed, I stepped back, leaving half an arm's length between us. Ethan frowned. His voice was low. "Jenna, how long are you going to keep punishing me? "Are we going to spend the rest of our lives doing this to each other?" I lowered my eyes. "I'm not trying to punish you." His brows tightened. He couldn't understand how the woman who once tore herself apart just to keep him had suddenly become so calm. "If you're angry, say it. "Yell at me. "Blame me. "Keeping everything inside will make you sick." I shook my head, and I didn't understand him either. "I'm not angry. "I'm not holding anything in. "I was too impulsive before. "I won't make scenes anymore. "And I won't go after Summer or hurt her again. "You don't have to worry." Ethan's eyes were bloodshot. "Jenna, you weren't like this before. "Are you still punishing me for what happened six months ago?" Chapter 2 Six months already felt like another lifetime. The day my water broke, Ethan was away on business. I was baking cookies at home. I had made a little cookie version of Ethan, a little one of me, and a tiny baby between us. Halfway through, my water broke. I called Ethan again and again. His phone was busy every time. By the time I reached the hospital, the baby was almost here. Before they took me into delivery, I gripped Nora's hand. "Call Ethan. "I want him there when I come out." She nodded through tears. I spent three hours in labor. He didn't come. Not that day, and not once during the week I spent recovering in the hospital. When I finally tried walking again, dizziness nearly knocked me over. I threw up in the bathroom and had to lean against the door afterward just to breathe. That was when I heard Diane, my mother-in-law, out in the hallway, scolding Ethan over the phone. "What kind of husband are you? "Your wife nearly died giving birth to your child. "What are you doing that's more important than coming back to see her? "Do you really have no curiosity at all about what your own daughter looks like?" There was a pause, as though he were actually trying to picture her. I tightened my hand around the doorknob. Part of me wanted to know how Ethan imagined our daughter. Then he answered. "Jenna has big eyes. "She's beautiful. "So the baby is probably beautiful too." His tone stayed careless. "I just hope she doesn't inherit Jenna's temper. "Or that extreme personality." He spoke about me like I was an inconvenience. "Mom, you're the one who likes Jenna. "Not me. "You were the one who pushed me into marrying her and having a child. "I don't love Jenna. "And I don't feel much for a child she gave birth to either. "Didn't you already arrange a private recovery suite? "Nutritionist, nurses, everything? "What exactly do you need me there for?" I stood frozen behind the door. Something inside me sank. Even after moving into the recovery suite, I couldn't let it go. I drove to the city where Ethan was supposedly working. It wasn't far. I had heard he had signed a new artist and was helping her stage an exhibition by the sea. The largest piece in the gallery was a portrait. A man in profile, in a dark coat and rimless glasses, his eyes painted with deep, restrained emotion. I recognized Ethan immediately. Then I saw the title. "Longing." Not his name, not "Portrait of a Man." Just that one word. Artist: Summer Bell. I knew that name. I had once found a blacked-out photograph tucked inside a book Ethan read often. Summer Bell's name was written on the back. I stood in front of the enormous portrait. It was almost my height. My chest tightened until the sounds around me seemed far away. Then footsteps stopped behind me. Still weak from childbirth, I slowly turned. The color drained from my face when I met Ethan's eyes. "Who told you I was here?" Chapter 3 There was no comfort in his face, no worry, only irritation. Ethan frowned. "Jenna, Summer worked hard on this exhibition. "She put months into it. "Don't make a scene here." I stared at him. Tears came before I could stop them. For one second, the anger in his expression weakened. Then he grabbed my wrist and dragged me outside. He opened the car door and pushed me into the back seat. When I tried to get past him, he took my phone. "Ethan, have you lost your mind? "Don't tell me that while I nearly died giving birth, you were here helping your mistress put on an art show." "Watch your mouth." He shoved me back into the seat. Then slammed the door and locked the car. My head struck the door. Pain twisted through my lower abdomen. The world tilted. I forced myself upright and pulled at the handle. "Ethan. "Let me out." "Two hours." He looked at his watch. "Summer's exhibition ends in two hours. "After that, I'll drive you home." His eyes were cold. "Jenna, unless you want our next stop to be the courthouse, control your temper. "You know I don't respond well when people push me." Then he walked away. I hit the window, called his name, begged. He never turned around. I was afraid. Afraid he would really leave me. So I stayed locked inside the car under the late-summer sun for more than two hours. My strength slowly disappeared. Something felt wrong in my abdomen. I watched through the glass as the exhibition ended. Ethan stood beside Summer. He greeted guests with her and saw people out. Finally, he remembered me. When he opened the car door and found me lying quietly in the back, he misunderstood. "Jenna. "You've gotten much better at calming down. "Don't worry. "We're married. "I'll take responsibility for you. "As for Summer, she's only an artist with commercial value to the company. "There won't be anything else between us." I didn't answer. He thought I was sulking. "Come on. "Let's go see Lily. "Mom told me you named her Lily. "I like it." Then he touched my hand. It was cold. Only then did he see the blood beneath me. "Jenna!" When I woke again, I was in the hospital. This time, Ethan was the first person I saw. He sat by the bed cutting an apple into slices and watching the IV. There was a clear handprint across his cheek. "You're awake. "Does anything hurt?" I shook my head weakly. His sudden attentiveness made me feel like I was dreaming. For the next several days, he barely left. He took care of me until the night before discharge. That evening, I couldn't find him in the room. I followed the faint smell of smoke and found him in the stairwell. He stood by the window speaking quietly on the phone. "Jenna got sick." He sighed. "The doctor said her postpartum recovery wasn't complete. "The hours she spent locked in a hot car made it much worse. "Yeah. "It's serious." He took a long drag from the cigarette. "Her uterus was badly damaged. "She may never be able to carry another pregnancy." My whole body went cold. Then he continued. "My mother said she'd skin me alive if I didn't stay until Jenna was discharged." He rubbed his brow. "How did I end up stuck with someone this exhausting? "Can't get rid of her. "Can't even provoke her without everyone jumping on me." I backed away. The stairwell door closed in the wind. Ethan looked toward it. But I was already gone. The person on the other end must have said something. He put out his cigarette hard. "Of course I care about her. "I've always thought of Jenna as a younger sister. "If I could have bled in her place, I would have." Chapter 4 After I left the hospital, Ethan really did settle down. For two months, he stayed home with me. I stopped worrying about all the other women who used to orbit him. I knew I might never have another child. But every time I looked at Lily, I told myself the three of us were still a family. Then came Lily's christening. The Cole family treated it like a major occasion. That was the day I saw Summer Bell again. She wore a white dress, elegant and composed. Her arm was linked through Ethan's as she handed me a carefully wrapped gift. "Congratulations on your daughter. "Ethan sent me pictures of her. "I used them as reference and added a little imagination. "I hope you like it." I looked down. The framed portrait was beautifully painted. But the baby in it didn't look like me. She looked like a child Ethan and Summer might have had together. Summer had even added the same tiny beauty mark near the baby's brow that she had herself. For the first time, Ethan picked Lily up in front of her. He was awkward. Lily squirmed and nearly cried. "Lily. "Say thank you to Miss Bell." He held Lily's hand and looked at Summer gently. "You put a lot of thought into this. "I'll hang it in her nursery. "One day I'll tell her Miss Bell painted it for her." Then he took Summer upstairs, into Lily's nursery. The moment Summer entered, her eyes widened. "Ethan... "Is this the nursery I designed? "I thought I lost those plans. "You kept them? "I thought you hated me. "I thought you'd destroy them if you ever found them." Regret flickered in his eyes too. "How could I? "You designed it beautifully. "Even if we never used it together, I couldn't throw it away." I stood in the doorway. Before our wedding, Ethan had suggested setting aside a nursery. He had even produced the design plans himself. I thought he had wanted a child with me. Now I understood. Lily and I had simply been living inside his memories of Summer. Something broke. I rushed forward, grabbed the framed portrait from Ethan's hands, and smashed it. Glass scattered across the floor. I tore the painting apart. A shard cut deep into my hand. Blood ran down my fingers. Ethan stared, not at the wound but at the destroyed portrait. "Jenna, are you insane? "Summer spent more than two weeks painting that." He didn't care that I was bleeding. He cared that I had destroyed her work. "Apologize." His voice was hard. My hand was covered in blood. My eyes were full of tears. It didn't soften him. "Why should I apologize? "She came here to provoke me." I was shouting now. Ethan looked at me like I was unstable. "Jenna, you really are crazy. "Agreeing to marry you because my mother wanted it was the stupidest thing I've ever done." Then he said, "Let's get divorced."