Excuse Me, I’m Leaving for a Future Without You

Graham Whitlock was leaving for the remote Northreach Research Station to work on a long-term research project. Before he left, he told me: “Audrey, the conditions out there are harsh, and the regulations don’t allow family members to come along. Our family needs you here, too. Please wait for me for three years. I’ll be back as soon as I can.” But three years became another three years. I waited for Graham for seven years. He still never came home. One phone call every five days. One video call a month. We saw each other only during the few precious days of leave he was allowed each year. Yet I never complained, not even once. I was afraid of getting in the way of his career. Then I became pregnant. Only then was my emergency family-visit request finally approved. After a grueling journey of thousands of miles, I arrived at the station and excitedly knocked on the door of his residence. A little girl answered. “Daddy, someone’s here! I don’t know her!” I thought I had the wrong room. But the next second, Graham’s indulgent voice came from inside. “Sweetheart, Daddy’s busy right now. I’ll have Mommy go see who it is.” His assistant, Mara Collins, came to answer the door. The moment she saw me, she froze, too shocked to speak. “Mrs. Whitlock, why are you here...?” I held a hand over my pregnant belly. After seven years of waiting, the heart I had kept suspended all this time finally died. It turned out Graham Whitlock hadn’t stopped caring about his family. He simply wasn’t caring about our family. Chapter 1 When there was no movement at the door for quite some time, Graham Whitlock finally set down the documents in his hand and walked out of the study. The moment he saw me, he reacted just like Mara Collins had, staring at me in shock and stumbling over his words. “Audrey, why did you suddenly...?” I let out a quiet sigh and cut him off. “I’m tired. I’d like to come inside and sit down before we talk.” “Should I get you some slippers?” Mara finally snapped out of her daze. She hurried to the shoe cabinet, pulled out a pair of women’s slippers, and handed them to me. They were half a size too big. They were her size. I said nothing. I slipped them on and sat down on the sofa in the living room. Mara took the little girl’s hand and forced a smile. “Mrs. Whitlock, you two talk. “Sophie, come on. Mommy’s taking you back to your room. Don’t disturb Daddy while he talks to someone.” I raised my eyes and glanced at her. She froze, seemingly realizing that something was wrong with the way she had addressed Graham. She glanced at me timidly, as if afraid I might confront her on the spot, then hurried to explain. “Mrs. Whitlock, please don’t misunderstand. This child is...” Graham immediately stood up. He stepped in front of Mara and the girl, looking at me warily. “Audrey, Sophie is Mara’s daughter from her previous marriage. We were worried that she would be bullied at school for not having a father, so we let her call me Dad. Mara and I really are just colleagues.” I said nothing. I reached out and gently patted the little girl’s head before looking at Mara. “Don’t bother. Once you’ve settled the child in, come back out. “Mara, sooner or later, you and I are going to have to talk.” Mara clearly hadn’t expected me to react that way. After saying that, I returned to the sofa. Graham sat across from me, seemingly at a loss for words. He kept looking at me, probably shocked by how calm I was. But there was nothing strange about it. Seven years was long enough to drain the life out of anyone. My hurt, anger, and resentment had long since been worn away. The sweet, feminine voice I often heard in the background during our phone calls. The glimpse of a woman’s sleepwear strap in the corner of our video calls. The vacations he had cut short because of some so-called “emergency.” I wasn’t stupid. I had simply chosen to turn a blind eye until now. I just wanted to give our seven-year marriage an ending it deserved. Mara left with the child and soon returned, naturally taking the seat beside Graham. I watched them. And I knew that I was the outsider in this family. Graham was the first to speak. “I’m sorry, Audrey. I was a little worked up just now. Please don’t take it personally. “I was just too surprised. You should have told me you were coming. I could have gone to the station to pick you up.” As he spoke, he reached for my hand. I pulled away. He lowered his head with a bitter, self-mocking smile. I took the documents from my bag. On top was a thick stack of family-visit applications I had submitted over the past seven years. Every single one had been stamped in red: REQUEST DENIED. The reason was the same on every application: Rejected by Graham Whitlock. “If I hadn’t gone to his supervisor myself, I never would have known that you were the one personally rejecting my applications all these years. “If I had told you beforehand, would you even have let me come?” Graham glanced at the documents and guiltily looked away. “Audrey, the project was in a critical stage back then. I simply couldn’t spare the time. I couldn’t have you coming here and distracting me, so I...” “Seven years of being too busy.” I looked at him. “But you had time to attend your colleague’s child’s sports days and summer camps. You just didn’t have time to bring your own wife here so we could spend some time together?” Graham froze. I pointed toward the photographs displayed beneath the television. “I saw the date on that photo. March seventh of this year. “I remember that day. I called you because I’d been in a car accident a few days earlier. I told you I almost didn’t wake up in the ICU. “You told me you were too busy with the project and couldn’t come back. You told me to stay strong on my own.” I looked at the photograph again. “So that project was actually a family sports day with your colleague’s child?” Graham lowered his hands, unconsciously clenching them. Mara hurried to defend him. “Mrs. Whitlock, please don’t misunderstand. “It really was a critical period. Graham only managed to make time for Sophie because he squeezed it in between everything else.” I gave a quiet hum. I looked at the two of them sitting close together, both on guard as though I were some villain who had come to destroy their family. I found it almost amusing. I asked myself silently: “Audrey, is this the family you waited seven years for?” I had no answer. I simply moved the stack of applications aside. Then I pulled out two documents from underneath and laid them side by side. One was my prenatal checkup report. The other was a divorce agreement. “Don’t be nervous. I’m not here to demand an explanation. At this point, there’s no point arguing about any of it. “Graham, I’m pregnant.” “As the child’s father, you have the right to know. That’s why I came all this way. “But I’m not keeping the baby. “I’m here to divorce you.” Chapter 2 Graham was completely overwhelmed by one shock after another. He sat there in a daze, unable to process everything for a long time. I slung my bag over my shoulder and slowly stood up, one hand supporting my lower back. “I’ve said everything I needed to say. I won’t stay here and disturb you any longer. I’ve already booked a hotel. “Sign the papers as soon as you can. Just let me know when they’re ready, and I’ll come pick them up.” With that, I opened the door and left. I was almost out of the residence building when hurried footsteps sounded behind me. Graham caught up with me. “Audrey! Audrey!” I didn’t stop walking. Graham stepped in front of me. He grabbed my wrist and refused to let go, his eyes reddening with panic and his voice trembling. “No divorce! We can’t get divorced! “Don’t you love me anymore? Why does it have to come to this? “And... the baby. It took so much for our baby to come into this world. You can’t give up the baby. I can’t bear to lose either of you.” I looked at Graham. My chest ached too, and I sniffed back the tears threatening to surface. “Then file for a transfer and come home immediately. “Graham, you’ve already missed seven years. “For the rest of my life, I can’t have a home without a husband. And my child can’t grow up with only a mother and no father.” Graham fell silent. I knew he was torn. He still couldn’t let go of Mara and Sophie. So I simply pried his fingers off my wrist and continued walking. “If you can’t do that, then we’ll get divorced.” The word divorce seemed to hit Graham like a blow. He rushed in front of me again and spoke with desperate sincerity. “I can do it! I want you. I want our child, too. “Come on. Let’s go to the personnel office right now. My three-year service term ended a long time ago. I can file the paperwork immediately and request a transfer back home.” He was already reaching for my hand to lead me away when his phone rang. I glanced at the screen. ‘Sweet Mara.’ I looked away. I didn’t stop him. It wasn’t as though I had never tried before. But every time I had, Graham would simply push me away and sternly lecture me. “Audrey, don’t be so unreasonable. It could be something important with the project. Can’t you stop being so petty?” Then he would answer the call and speak to Mara in that gentle voice of his. So this time, I simply stood there and watched. Graham instinctively reached for the phone, but when he saw my cold expression, he gave an awkward little laugh and declined the call. Then he took my hand again. “Audrey, let’s go. “I promise. From now on, nothing will ever be more important than us.” The familiar warmth of his palm seeped into mine. For the first time in a long while, something inside me softened. I smiled and let him lead me forward. But we had barely taken two steps when his phone rang again. It was Mara. Graham’s expression changed, but he declined the call again. His pace slowed as he continued holding my hand. Then the phone rang a third time. Graham stopped completely. He turned to me and gave me a strained smile. “Mara wouldn’t be calling this urgently unless something was wrong. “I should answer.” Before I could respond, Graham pulled his hand from mine and answered the call. I could faintly hear Mara’s frantic voice on the other end, mixed with a little girl’s crying. “Graham, Sophie got burned! “I really don’t know what to do! Please, come quickly!” There was no explanation. No reassurance. I simply watched as Graham turned and sprinted back toward the residence without looking back. The faint smile that had been on his face while he held my hand was still there. But now it was frozen in place. Then it slowly stretched wider and wider, becoming so exaggerated that my entire face twisted into something almost unrecognizable. Until finally, I covered my face and broke down sobbing. Graham, I gave our marriage one last chance. And you still chose to walk away. I was finally done hoping. I turned around and continued toward the hotel. Once I returned to my room, I booked a ticket to leave three days later. I tapped Pay. The moment the confirmation appeared on the screen, a text message from Graham appeared at the top. “Where are you?” Chapter 3 “At the hotel.” I kept my reply brief. Graham immediately called me. “Audrey, Sophie got burned. She’s in the hospital now. “Go home and pack a few changes of clothes for me and Mara. And make some soup and a few dishes. Mara’s been busy all day and hasn’t eaten a thing. She can’t stomach the hospital food.” I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Pressing my fingertips against my throbbing temples, I reminded him as calmly as I could, “Graham, I’m pregnant. The smell of cooking makes me sick.” There was a brief pause on the other end. Then Mara’s hesitant, tearful voice came through. “Graham, maybe don’t trouble Audrey. I’ll be strong. I’ll rest for a while and go home to cook for myself…” “With me here, what do you need to be strong for?” Graham hung up immediately. Another text came through. “Just bear with it for now.” “The house code is 0718. Room 1456. Bring Mara an extra blanket. The hospital keeps the air conditioning too cold, and I’m worried she’ll get cold.” I stared at the familiar string of numbers. It was our wedding anniversary. Now, it only felt painfully ironic. I entered the code and went to Graham’s house. A handwritten note was stuck to the refrigerator in the kitchen. “Mara, I made lunch and left it in the fridge. Just heat it up when you and Sophie are hungry. I’m heading out. Get some rest and sleep in.” So Graham knew how to cook. A sharp pain pierced my heart. I forced myself to push the thought away. Suppressing the nausea churning violently in my stomach, I tied on an apron and turned on the stove. Halfway through, I couldn’t hold it anymore. I doubled over by the sink and vomited until my entire body shook, but all that came up was bitter bile. I splashed cold water over my pale face and packed the food into containers one by one. Then, still forcing myself to endure, I went to Mara’s closet. The moment I opened the doors, I saw piles of gifts Graham had given her stacked at the bottom. They were carefully sorted by date, with even the gift boxes preserved in pristine condition. The oldest was from seven years ago—the day after Graham arrived here. The newest was from yesterday. A note was attached to it in Graham’s handwriting: “I saw this and thought it would suit you, so I bought it on a whim.” I shut my eyes. I searched my memory carefully. In the end, all I could do was give a bitter, self-mocking smile and shake my head. After we got married, Graham had never given me a single gift. One phone call every five days. One video call a month. And seeing each other depended entirely on the few precious days of leave he was allowed each year. Gifts? For me, those had always been an extravagant luxury. I packed the clothes and closed the closet. Before leaving, I still took the divorce agreement sitting on the coffee table. I was going to have him sign it today. Seven years was long enough. I didn’t want to drag this out any longer. When I arrived at the hospital with everything, Mara was asleep with her head resting on Graham’s shoulder. I glanced at the empty visitor’s bed beside them and lowered my eyes. I quietly set everything down on the table. The movement was barely noticeable, but Mara still woke up. She hurried to her feet and immediately began explaining. “Mrs. Whitlock, please don’t misunderstand. “I was just scared and exhausted, so I leaned against Graham’s shoulder for a while.” I didn’t answer her right away. Instead, I looked at Sophie lying in the hospital bed. Her shoulder was wrapped in thick layers of gauze, and judging by the way she slept restlessly, she was clearly in a lot of discomfort. Only then did I respond to Mara. “It’s fine. How is the child?” “She has severe burns on her shoulder. She may need a skin graft later, and the doctor said there’s a high chance she’ll be left with a scar.” Mara’s eyes filled with tears again. “Mrs. Whitlock, can I ask you for a favor? Could you let me borrow Graham for a while? I really can’t handle this alone.” As she spoke, she began crying again. Graham pulled her into his arms and murmured a few words to comfort her. Then he frowned and looked at me, his expression troubled. “Audrey, with Sophie’s condition, I can’t just stand by and do nothing. “Please. Just think of it as doing me a favor. Let me stay here with them for now.” Chapter 4 I looked at Graham and silently nodded. Then I pulled the divorce papers and a pen from my bag and held them out to him. “Sign them. “You can stay with them as long as you want. From now on, it’s none of my business.” Graham glanced down at the papers in my hand, his temper flaring. He lowered his voice and glared at me. “Are you threatening me with divorce?” I had no idea what he was talking about. When he refused to take them, I shoved the papers into his arms. “It’s not a threat. I just can’t do this marriage anymore.” Graham clearly couldn’t stand hearing that. He released Mara and turned toward me, his brows drawn tightly together. “What do you mean you can’t do this marriage anymore? “We’ve been fine for the past seven years. So why are you suddenly saying you can’t do it anymore?” Now that he had asked, I almost wanted to tell him how hurt I was. But Mara hurriedly cut in. “Audrey, you wouldn’t have fallen for someone else, would you? “Graham may be away from home most of the time, but he has always cared about you. You can’t possibly have gotten involved with another man, can you? That would be cheating on your husband. And for all we know, the baby you’re carrying might not even be—” The moment Graham heard that, he became frantic. He grabbed my wrist and demanded, “Is that true? Are you cheating on me? Who is he? “Don’t tell me this baby isn’t even mine?” I couldn’t stand hearing Mara slander me and my unborn child. Before I could stop myself, I raised my free hand and slapped her across the face. “Are you seriously accusing me of cheating when you’re the one having an affair with my husband? “You shameless homewrecker. Don’t you dare drag my baby into this!” Mara covered her cheek, apparently stunned by the slap. She clearly hadn’t expected me to fight back. Then she deliberately swayed as if she were about to faint again. “Graham, I feel so dizzy after she hit me…” As she spoke, she went limp in his arms. Graham immediately shoved me away and scooped Mara up in his arms. I staggered backward, my lower back slamming against the edge of the sofa. Pain shot through me, turning my vision black for a moment. I instinctively clutched my stomach as wave after wave of dull pain traveled up my spine. I reached out and grabbed Graham’s sleeve. “I’m in pain. It hurts so much… “Graham, our baby. Please call a doctor…” Graham looked down at me. Then he scoffed and forcefully pulled his sleeve from my grasp. “Now you know what pain feels like? “Why didn’t you think about pain when you slapped Mara? “Audrey, stop pretending. That trick isn’t going to work on me. I don’t have time to play with you.” With that, Graham carried Mara away and shouted toward the hallway. “Doctor! Doctor, someone just fainted!” But the cramping in my lower abdomen grew more and more severe. I wanted to call for someone else, but I had no strength left. All I could do was watch helplessly as Graham disappeared. The fluorescent lights above me began to sway in my vision. Round and round they spun until everything was swallowed by a blinding sea of red. Then I collapsed into darkness. The doctor said Mara was fine and had most likely fainted because of low blood sugar. Graham finally breathed a sigh of relief. Then, suddenly, he heard a commotion coming from the other ward, and an inexplicable sense of panic seized him. He got to his feet. Mara tugged at his sleeve and called softly, “Graham…” But this time, Graham didn’t stop. He hurried back toward the ward. By the time he arrived, the hallway was packed three people deep. Graham’s heart lurched. He desperately pushed through the crowd and rushed inside. A nurse was already lifting me onto a stretcher. The doctor was performing CPR while shouting, “Move! Everyone, move! “She fell and is hemorrhaging from a miscarriage! Get her to the emergency room now. Her life is in danger!”